She Bangs!

A question to those who have been to Bangkok: did you ever wonder why a lot of places here start w/ a "Bang"? For those who have only heard of Bangkok, know now there are tons of Bang's in the city.


The other night, our guest Mohsin couldn't remember the entire name of a district where he was going to attend a wedding of his Thai friend. He showed me an address and it read Bang Khun Prom. Oooh, that's far!

Before Mohsin, we had four fab girls from the States. One night, they dragged my husband w/ them to see pussy shows at Patpong.

On top of some of the wackiest sex shows in the city's main red-light district, Patpong is also good for counterfeit enthusiasts. What are you thinking of? Rolex, Tag Heuer, Casio, Louis Vitton, Chanel, Prada, Ray Ban. Anything you wish for! But too bad, we human beings haven't figured out how to copy a Rolls Royce or Lamborghini yet.

Before I digress any further, let me just state that Patpong and all its unsavory offerings (or savory, depending on your point of view) are under the jurisdiction of Bang Rak District. "Rak" means love. So, back in the day, this area must have been crammed w/ love trees. Pls don't ask me what it looks like 'cause I was apparently born way too late. Now, move on to another district also w/ a Bang.

The last stop of our underground MRT is 'Bang Sue." Oooh, why would you bang someone and then sue them? Is that level of dissatisfaction even fathomable? Ok, "Sue" means honesty or naivety in the Thai language. Whatever that means in this case! The district could have been the neighborhood of honest or naïve people to acquire such a title. Or, perhaps there's a tree or creature called "Sue" too?

Anyway, let's emerge from the subway and fly in the sky w/ the city's BTS skytrain. The up and coming extension to be in service next August will pass two areas w/ a Bang – Bang Chak and Bang Na. I'm not sure what's worth seeing in Bang Chak but you might wanna check out BITEC Bang Na, a huge exhibition hall notorious for its motor shows held quite often throughout the year. You know, apart from the cars, you also get skimpily-clad girls who might make you appreciate the vehicles more (which might not be the case in the first place.)

Get off the skytrain at Saphan Taksin Station and venture out on a boat to an older part of the city, Bangkok Noi (small Bangkok) and Bangkok Yai (big Bangkok.) What you will get here is mostly cultural stuff – the Chao Phraya River, canals, palaces, a train station w/ long history, villages specializing in various craftsmanship, the Thai Royal Navy base, and of course temples after temples. Want a famous one? Sure – Temple of Dawn or Wat Arun.

Contrary to a popular belief, Bangkok is indeed on the sea – the Gulf of Thailand. But only one district (out of 50) can claim this title and it is called Bang Khun Thian.

In summary, the city is subdivided by 50 districts, 12 of which starts w/ a Bang for the name. We all know what Bang as a verb in English means and what type of pleasure it can lead to. In the Thai language, the noun form is used to refer to a village or settlement situated on a river or canal. Once upon a time, Bangkok used to be a small trading center and port community on the west bank of the Chao Phraya River. Now, you wanna know what "Kok' means?

On its own, it isn't a word yet, but possibly comes from "Ma-kok' which means olive. So, the once small town of Bangkok may have been abundant in olive orchards or traded olive as her main product.

Whatever she used to be or do, Bangkok now is a city that bangs. Here, you should easily get what you want, depending on how you look at it. She bangs you. You bang her. Or, you bang each other.

Joe

Tsunami and her enduring legacy

I had expected a lot today before joining a field study at the National Disaster Warning Center of Thailand.

Well, when you expect a lot, you’re easily on your way to acute disappointment, right?

It turned out I wasn’t disappointed at all. I was actually very surprised and impressed at what I saw and learned.

So, when you know you expect a little too much, you also assume some disappointment along the way. Perhaps you're even willing to accept less in the process. Before you know it, you end up w/ more than you had hoped for.

Anyway, remember the Tsunami that hit the Andaman coast of Thailand late in the year 2004? To prepare for any type of natural disaster that might follow, the center in question was established 5 months later in May 2005.

It is located outside of Bangkok, in Nontaburi province actually. But on the surface, you might very well mistake it for a Bangkok suburb. The road is wider, the air cleaner, buildings lower etc. One thing that is missing – water buffalo.

Well, Bangkok is creeping all over the place.

One of the things that I learned is that not every quake in the sea causes a tsunami while at the same time not every tsunami is caused by a quake.

But one of the things (and also most comforting) that was revealed to me is that we have all the necessary gadgets floating, buried, installed etc at every risky area. Any signal that they send will be analyzed w/ expertise by the center before the public is alerted.

The time needed for the whole process is 8 minutes, and they actually aim to reduce it, w/ the same level of accuracy of course.

Currently, there is one buoy floating in middle of the Indian Ocean that we can count on to alert us in case of an imminent tsunami (if any.) The thingy is courtesy of the majestic government of the United States of America. However, the royal government of Thailand is hard to please 'cause they aim to install two more in the future at their own budget. By the end of this year, the number of warning towers along hot beaches will also double. Relax, beach afacionados!

But if you prefer somewhere in the Gulf of Thailand whether it be Chang Island, Samet Island, Pattaya, Hua Hin, Samui Island etc, Captain Saran assured us that we are tucked safely inside the Gulf and the water is shallow enough to disinterest the cruel waves (if any.)

Back to the center, it’s operated 24/7. There are 3 shifts everyday of eight hours each. Anything that happens will be deciphered and us, the general public notified in a wisp of time.

Warnings are all pre-recorded so they are accurate and to the point. I personally loved the German version of the announcement. Very affirmative! I liked the Chinese one too. Very nasal but somehow flirtatious.

Captain Saran (whom the center borrowed from (and might never return to) the Royal Air Force of Thailand) told us that a tsunami of a similar scale might not strike again within the next 200 years, and therefore, keeping this center alive in the meantime might just be a waste of public money for the next 197 years.

Still, the Thai government will undoubtedly continue to fund this vital center. Just in case! See how paramount preparedness is in this not so panicky kingdom?

Now, it would be an unnatural disaster if you kept skipping Thailand, when you really can’t afford to.

Joe